Having completed my master’s degree and commenced teaching in my home country, my passion for computer science and artificial intelligence propelled me towards the pursuit of a PhD. In this journey, I aligned myself with a respected professor, drawn to his reputed expertise in AI and data analysis. Little did I anticipate the ethical dilemmas that would emerge as our collaboration unfolded.
Before delving into the intricacies of research, my mentor projected an image of being well-versed in harnessing artificial intelligence to analyze data. Yet, it soon became glaringly evident that his professed knowledge was superficial at best. Nonetheless, I proceeded with the research, driven by my passion for the subject matter and a desire to contribute meaningfully to the field. I must acknowledge, however, that he did extend kindness by assisting me in securing the PhD position. He provided invaluable support by helping me draft the research proposal and preparing me for the interview process.
After joining the PhD program, as time progressed, the gap between his professed expertise and actual abilities became more pronounced. Alongside this, his behavior revealed an unsettling side, marked by incessant demands that pushed me to the brink of exhaustion with unrealistic expectations. Especially after COVID broke out and lockdowns were imposed, he automatically assumed that I was stuck at home and thus should be available for work 24/7. Furthermore, his disregard for personal boundaries was evident in late-night calls and attempts to guilt-trip me for taking days off, insisting that PhD students should work on weekends, holidays, and abstain from breaks.
Despite the challenges we faced, we still managed to reap the benefits of our hard work. Additionally, when it came to my PhD thesis, despite our struggles, he ultimately had my best interests at heart, assisting me in writing and correcting it, and for that, I am grateful.
However, the revelation of his deception came as a shock. After expressing my decision to resign and pursue opportunities elsewhere, he began to spread falsehoods to colleagues, falsely claiming that I hadn’t given him enough notice, despite my expressed intention to leave about a month prior to my formal resignation (he had requested that I delay submitting my resignation formally until he could devise potential solutions to minimize his losses, which I agreed to). Despite the unjust accusations, I agreed to continue working with him remotely to ensure the completion of ongoing projects and to support his pursuit of a full professorship. This decision was made out of a sense of professionalism and commitment, yet he succeeded in making me feel overwhelmingly guilty for prioritizing my own career aspirations. Nevertheless, determined to prioritize my well-being and professional integrity, I chose to move forward and tender my resignation despite the challenges. What is worse is that, he seemed especially irritated by my choice to keep my personal life and social decisions private, as if I owed him an explanation for every aspect of my existence. This resentment manifested in the spread of unethical accusations and false information about me and those close to me, in an attempt to tarnish our reputation and portray himself as the victim.
After some time in my new position, it was both expected yet disheartening to realize that the work I had poured my efforts into was being published without my permission nor acknowledgement. This was rather a disillusionment with the ethical standards supposedly upheld within academia. Though I possess the means to reach out to the editors and substantiate my contributions to the creatives, I made the deliberate choice to refrain from doing so at this time, aiming to sidestep any potential entanglements. However, I want to emphasize that while I’ve opted not to take action currently, I reserve the right to do so in the future should circumstances necessitate it. My decision stems not from bitterness or resentment, but from a desire to prioritize my well-being and focus on moving forward positively. It’s particularly disillusioning considering his purported expertise in ethics—a subject he teaches and supposedly publishes on. However, just as Matthew 23:3 suggests, I’m reminded to observe their teachings, yet be mindful not to replicate their behavior, for they do not practice what they preach. For now, I’m choosing to focus my energies on forging a new path—one guided by integrity, resilience, and a steadfast commitment to ethical conduct. I am confident in my ability to forge ahead and continue creating for my future endeavors.
Why writing this post then? For the lessons learned. This is for my fellow PhD students: Navigating the academic landscape can often be fraught with challenges, both professional and personal. My own journey has taught me invaluable lessons that I believe are worth sharing. Firstly, prioritize your well-being above all else. While dedication to your research is important, it should never come at the expense of your mental or physical health. Remember to take breaks, seek support when needed, and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Secondly, don’t hesitate to advocate for yourself. If you encounter unethical behavior or feel undervalued, speak up and seek guidance from trusted mentors or university resources. Your voice matters, and it’s essential to assert yourself in the face of adversity. Additionally, cultivate a supportive network of peers and mentors who can offer guidance, encouragement, and perspective throughout your journey. Lastly, never lose sight of your passion and purpose. Despite the challenges you may face, remember why you embarked on this path in the first place and stay true to your goals and aspirations. Your resilience, integrity, and dedication will ultimately guide you towards success in your academic pursuits and beyond.
Today, I find solace in the knowledge that I have moved beyond the shadow of my former mentor, surrounded by a community of colleagues and students who share my commitment to excellence and ethical conduct. Together, we strive to push the boundaries of AI and computer science, guided by a steadfast dedication to integrity and honesty. In the end, my journey through my PhD has imparted invaluable lessons in resilience, integrity, and the indomitable spirit of perseverance. And for that, I am grateful. Without the interference of those who lack sincerity, humility and genuine scientific knowledge in the topic they preach, I am eagerly anticipating the future and the boundless possibilities it holds, excited to embark on new creative endeavors. With a supportive community by my side, I look forward to crafting beautiful creations and making meaningful contributions to my field.